Seasonal Survival Guide
Justin Booth

Recently, most of you gathered with good friends and family and basked in the festive spirit while enjoying food and drink and celebrating all that binds you to one another. Unfortunately, in some cases, arguments probably broke out, someone’s feelings were hurt and you left asking yourself why the hot stove season has to create such tension and animosity.

Oh wait, you didn’t think I was talking about the holidays, did you?

With the Yankees in the midst of an obscenely expensive offseason shopping spree and their successful coup in the Mark Teixeira sweepstakes, this hot stove season has the potential to be especially stressful for Red Sox fans. That’s why I thought I could be of service by dispensing some simple advice to the citizens of Red Sox Nation that is guaranteed to not only substantially reduce your anxiety level but effectively disarm every Yankee fan you encounter:

Don’t leave home without your bible
The absolute first thing you must do is get your hands on a copy of This Bad Day in Yankees History by Baseball Hall of Fame researcher Gabriel Schechter and treat it with the same reverence you show your ATM card, cell phone and iPod. In other words, don’t leave home without it.

With this bible of Yankee calamity in hand, you’ll be able to refute any statement, claim or argument no matter how absurd, grandiose or illogical. And once you’ve overwhelmed and baffled your counterpart with a brilliant and insightful rebuttal, they might actually believe you have secret powers.

Games are played for a reason
Point out to your dimwitted friend that the World Series doesn’t occur in December or January and although they’d like to crown the Yankees champions now, the rules of baseball mandate that games actually be played to determine a winner.

Generally speaking, Yankee fans aren’t all that bright. They know a couple of numbers, like 1918 and 86, and not many more words that they shout on impulse in Pavlovian fashion without much free thought or creativity. When you explain the concept of playing games and its relationship to determining a champion, you may need to employ the old connect the dot exercise, which is why it wouldn’t be a bad idea to have a flip chart and marker handy.

Lots of questions, few answers
Pose the following straightforward query to the Yankee devotee: How do the signings of CC Sabathia, A.J. Burnett and Teixeira address the issue of Derek Jeter’s declining production (his number have gone down in virtually every offensive category each of the last three seasons) or the age and health questions surrounding Jorge Posada, Hideki Matsui and Johnny Damon or Burnett’s lack of durability or the logjam at the corner outfield spots, first base and DH or the absence of a quality major league center fielder on the current roster or whether Robinson Cano, Phil Hughes and Ian Kennedy will continue to develop and produce on a consistent basis or who the Yankees’ fourth and fifth starters will be.

Recent history favors promotion, not acquisition
The only team to win a World Series this decade and receive major contributions from a player(s) acquired the previous offseason is the ’04 Red Sox (Curt Schilling and Keith Foulke). More commonly, championship teams added players from their farm systems, usually late in the season, who filled key roles (’02 Angels-John Lackey and Francisco Rodriguez; ’03 Marlins-Dontrelle Willis and Miguel Cabrera; ’07 Red Sox-Dustin Pedroia, Jacoby Ellsbury and Jon Lester).

Amplifying this trend is the Yankees’ free agent track record. Prior to this offseason, the Yankees have signed high profile free agents Mike Mussina, Jason Giambi, Matsui and Damon to help bring the next championship to the Bronx. Collectively, the quartet has now played 24 seasons in New York and Yankee fans are still waiting.

Postseason numbers ugly
Sabathia is 2-3 lifetime in October with an ERA of 7.92 while Chien-Ming Wang has a career record of 1-3 with a 7.58 ERA in the playoffs. Burnett has never pitched in the postseason.


Justin Booth is a diehard Red Sox fan living in Brookline, MA and uses his above average writing skills to opine about his favorite team. He can be reached by e-mail at gringoencolo@hotmail.com.

This column was written on January 18, 2009.