There’s so much happening with the Red Sox right now, I almost don’t know where to begin.
Josh Beckett and Jon Lester have rediscovered the ace form that eluded them at the beginning of the season.
But it gets better. According to a story that first appeared on espn.com Friday evening, the Yankees reportedly called the commissioner’s office Friday and asked that Brad Penny be suspended for hitting Alex Rodriguez in the first inning of Thursday night’s loss to the Sox.
Unable to beat the Red Sox on the field, the Yankees have been reduced to running and telling the teacher that the bigger, tougher kid kicked them during recess. Does it get any more pathetic than this?
New York’s quest for punitive justice is also a sign that the Sox are not only under the Yankees’ skin and in their heads, but that they’ve completely exasperated the Bronx Bombers.
This is every Red Sox fan’s dream come true. After watching our beloved Sox serve as New York’s personal punching bag for decades, the tables have finally turned. The Yankees’ Fenway fiasco last week left them more dazed and confused than Joe Pesci and Daniel Stern at the end of Home Alone.
Leading the chorus of whimpering cries for protection from the bad Bostonians is Yankees manager Joe Girardi, who was quoted in the espn.com article as saying that he thought Penny intentionally hit A-Rod. Girardi’s implication is that his team is the innocent victim of malicious bullying.
It’s too easy to call Girardi a hypocrite and phony considering that nine Red Sox hitters have been plunked by New York pitchers this season while A-Rod was just the third Yankee to get beaned by a Boston hurler, so I’m just not going to do it.
Besides, it’s so much more fun to mock Girardi and his collection of high-priced duds.
This edition of the Bronx Sobbers obviously has never seen A League of Their Own. Given their penchant for weeping, I highly recommend any of the following classic tearjerkers for long team charter flights: Terms of Endearment, Old Yeller, Beaches, My Girl, Bambi, Free Willy, Titanic, Ghost and Fried Green Tomatoes.
What I want to know is if the call to the commissioner’s office was made anonymously. Maybe the Yankee squealer even used an alias. I imagine Hank Steinbrenner calling from a pay phone outside Steinbrenner Field in Tampa and the conversation going something like this:
“No, um, I’d really rather not give my name. Uh, okay, it’s um…Manny. No, just Manny.”
Or perhaps the Bombers employed a surrogate to carry out the dirty deed. Rudy Giuliani and Billy Crystal would be the obvious choices since both are not only huge Yankee fans but celebrities who possess tremendous amounts of good will with the public.
The only way this could be any sweeter for Red Sox Nation is if MLB were to suspend Penny and the Sox end up trading him before he was able to begin serving his suspension. That would be A Bronx Tale everyone in Boston would enjoy.
Justin Booth is a diehard Red Sox fan living in Brookline, MA and uses his above average writing skills to opine about his favorite team. He can be reached by e-mail at firstname.lastname@example.org.
This column was written on June 14, 2009.